Sunday, May 22
ahaha. i feel so much better now. the session didnt help her but at least it helped us come to terms with our emotions and manage it so that we can help her. even though we still dunno wad to do to help her but at least we noe that we cannot let her problems become our problems if not not only will we NOT help her but also we will make ourselves miserable. ms tan was right- this is a big burden for 14 yr olds to carry. i think we've come to a consensus. we will let things flow naturally but continue monitoring. This is the best way for everyone, lest we become emotionally drained.
This is a tribute to all the wonderful frens that have helped me through this difficult time. No one will be able to understand how we feel unless they actually experience it themselves. But i am grateful for these people for trying, even though they will not feel what i feel.
rachel: thank you for being there for me always. u're one of the few people who can actually understand me fully and i noe i can turn to u for support. ur level-headedness gives me strength when i become too emotional. I've been crying more this yr. i guess its becos of the pressures of sch and now this incident. i feel honoured to have u as a best fren :D
xintian and cherm: im glad that i went through this with YOU guys. i could not have chosen better persons to share this horrible experience with me. Now we have a common bond. We have come through for each other and become really close. Now we must come through for her. Thanks for everything :D
fanglin: even though i didnt tell u very much but i am really grateful to u for trying to cheer me up. im glad to noe that i will always have a fren like u ((: we've been frens for 6 yrs and still counting! rock on! :b
yanshan and
the gang: muahaha i still rmb the times when we had crazy fun and played lotsa pranks. and thinking abt those times made me smile even though u didnt noe anything abt this cos i didnt tell u. i didnt think it was fair to burden u down with smth that concerns someone in a diff sch from u guys. but i just wanna say thx for the wonderful memories XD
huiwen: even though i told u abt it after i managed my emotions, but thx for listening anw ((: and im really glad i was able to help and u listened to me. after all we're too young to handle these complicated things just like this is too big a burden for 14 yr olds to carry.
jappy: heyy simply thx for listening when i needed a ear at 12 midnight. and also for the advice that u gave (:
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Now that this is over i just want to move on. I dont think i'll be able to fully become the person that i was before this happened but at least now there is a sense of closure and normalcy. And this has made me more aware. i am determined to just enjoy wadever im doing.
i find that i enjoy reflecting. and my other odacian batch mates do too! hmm...i wonder why? maybe its becos when u're out there and so close to nature u develop a respect for the environment u are in. i want to continue doing outdoor stuff like rock climbing and expeditions even when im older, no matter what im doing. this is smth that i will always love and enjoy. haha
im really looking forward to mt kinabalu. this is a personal achievement for me. how many ppl actually get a chance to climb mountains? i bet the sense of awe, wonder, respect and achievement that u get when u summit smth so magnificant is smth that can never be expressed, conveyed or camptured. i am determined to get to the top (4098m) no matter what. at least i'll be able to go away with the knowledge that im able to climb a mountain. To me, that is a great personal achievement. only 1 more mth and i CANT WAIT! muahaha i shall take lotsa pics and make everyone jealous :b
I have no idea why im blogging abt this. But i've realised that shld blog more abt my thinking, my thoughts and my feelings rather than just write abt my mundane life and my grousings and complains. there are many ppl who have the same prob so my probs are insignificant. Almost everybody, including me, are doing it right now. we are so self consumed that everything, including blogging, revolves around 'i' and 'me'. hiaz personally i feel that ppl would not be interested or affected by wad happens in my life or anybody elses unless they are involved. but then again i wouldnt noe.
NYAA CAMP coming soon! and my batch is in charge of planning food! muahahaha! Its not so bad lah. seeing the horrible budget that we got. thank goodness we're not eating the same food and living in the same place. we get catered food and dun have to slp in tents! muahaha! but the activities the sec 3s planning are super fun! XD whee! cant wait!
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Only the silhouettes knowAs they spill over into the vague void
Between Sunday night and
Twilights bright and brackish as the new tide
The theory of insanity; my tongue plucking the air
In the wake of your words and conversing with a wall
That couldn't care less.
Such ceremonious existence, on
These biting November afternoons.
Tail-lights dissipate
With the velocity of goodbye.
It unsettles me
How sentences prematurely broken
Drift in thick air with a monolithic grace, and how
I can remember stumbling over the lawn as we watched
The road unraveling down the edge in its lack of colour, but
Now the sun trips down the stairs
And this
Is where it ends.
Sun moon stars rain self-immolating in my teeth;
Deformed notes sounding like something from Jaws
Playing in my ear, with your shadow
Circumscribed against the arc of my palm
Me watching the swell of the sky taper down into the trees
This
Is where I end and you begin
